the title is an emptiness

I want to be beautiful and light and clean, rain water falling
gentle
I want to be beautiful and childish and sweet, god i want to be beautiful
gentle
I want to be good for me.

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I want you to try to woo me, not lure me
I want the humanity
I want to be beautiful and childish sweet
gentle
I want to feel clean and quiet
I want to not hate myself
I want that noise of disappointment
to go away.

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I want to not hate me
I want to not be ugly
and crass and bitter
and crass and bitter

I want my sheet music back
the notes I struggled to play

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I want to love me
not have this vitriolic hateful jealousy
evil queen
I want to be beautiful and childish and sweet
I want today to be tomorrow?
how can i want such a thing?

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i'm sick
but i want to be light
and happy and filled with good things
i want to be beautiful and childish and sweet
gentle
i want the will to play the notes as if they were instructions
i want to learn how to learn how to learn to be.

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